A Journey to becoming a MOMMA

Happy Friday!!! I love weekends so much. So this post is going to be a combination of sharing with you my journey in how God changed my heart and desire to be a mother that desires to stay at home with her children. I will also be adding in there some things about my husband because A. today is his birthday- he is 25 :) B. our 1 year anniversary is on Sunday!! So we have two big days this weekend in our life.

I wanted to write this blog in joy of our marriage and where God has brought us but also to encourage women who are in the place that I was at one time in my life. I get really patient to share with other women how God has changed my heart about being a mom. I actually become really sad when I hear that a mother doesn't want to stay at home with their kids. FYI I know that all women are not neccessarily called by God to stay home solely but I think there are many that are not listening to that prompting because they are distracted by the world's expectations to have a career or they feel that staying at home isn't a worthy enough calling. So here is my story.

Gabe and I met through Campus Crusade for Christ and our first real interaction together took place discussing who we were and how we grew up over some smoothies. I remember being really nervous about sharing with Gabe that I grew up Mennonite-super conversative and very pacifist. Somehow we started dating amidst my different perspectives and his desires for how the wife that he desired. Our first conversation of what he wanted for his wife and the mother of his children took place in the engineering mall on the steps of I think Hovde. I remember Gabe asking me what my desire was to stay home with kids when I am a mom. My opinion at that time, I was not going to stay home with my kids. I did not have a heart for being a mother or having children. In high school I was so warped that I didn't want to have kids because I cared more about my body than God's kingdom and desire. So of course I asked Gabe what he wanted for his wife and he said, "I want my wife to saty home with my kids until they go to college!" "I want my wife to be at home after school when my kids come home from school." I have no idea what my face looked like when he said that, but I am pretty sure my response was "No way am I staying home, especially until high school."

For us this was the beginning of God using Gabe to bring me to him and make me into a women that seeks after the Lord and makes her family a priority. At this point in my life I had only been walking with God for a year or so, even though I was baptized earlier in my life. Sometimes I wonder what Gabe was thinking when he started dating me but God had a bigger plan. The beginning of life change really happened when I dated Gabe. He would ask me if I thought I could be healed from depression/stop taking anti-depressants. This was an earth shattering question for me because I never thought depression would go away I thought you just dealt with it, I thought this way about my eating disorder as well. God has brought freedom from both of these things. I also started learning about what a stay at home mom does via Gabe about my mother in law. Gabe would talk about how he loved having his mom around and knew he could have taken a different path in life if she wasn't home when they were. I begin to see how being a mom is not a bad job, it isn't a job that should be looked down upon as less than another job. I think in God's eyes being a mother is one of the greatest gift he gives us and can be one of the most glorifying things we can do for father. Raise our children to be disciples of Jesus.

At this time I began reading books by Elizabeth George and I started talking and hearing about my mother in law and what she loved about staying home. My heart began to change. I began to want to know more about God's design for a women and bearing children for his kingdom. So needless to say God has used my husband to mold me into a women-that hopefully will bring him honor. I know this doesn't describe in detail everything but I challenge any women who is reading this and is curretnly only focused on a career to spend some time in prayer asking God to shape your heart into his heart for motherhood.

So today on our journey I yearn to be a stay at home mom and disciple our children, guide them to Jesus instead of having a stranger at daycare raising my child. God's hands can be great in shaping your heart don't miss out on what he has for you out of stubborness. Believe me I am stubborn Gabe will gladly advicate that. Start asking questions of a women who does want to be a stay at home and understand her heart for it and what she feels like God desires.

I am thankful that after 3 1/2 years with Gabe I think I see a more right glance of Jesus and his plan. I am thankful for our first year of marriage and the plans god has for us in this next year. I am thankful that Gabe and I get to help shape each other's heart for Jesus over the next years together. Happy Birthday Gabe and Happy Anniversary!!