Last night I decided that I was going to begin blogging about my journey with over analyzing because I know many struggle with it. I want to blog about it and maybe provide insight for others as I go on this journey of understanding it and letting God renew my life. Many days I make God and every situation really complicated. I stress and worry about many feeling or situations that don't exist.
Anyway in the last week I could feel the thoughts taking control. When I say over analyzing I mean picking apart every situation, interaction with a person, the way they looked, the way someone talked, the way I interpreted them feeling towards me. Basically I waste alot of time and unneeded emotions going through each interaction with a person. I am putting my worth and my perception of life and what I think or feel about life based on how I interpret a situation even if it isn't truth or the things I am reading into are my imagination. I depend on my own interpretation of a situation instead of God's and taking things for what they really are. Basically I have thought and experienced situations like this my whole life which makes it interesting now that I am expected to be a mature adult and I still act like a child in my thinking and interactions.
This weekend and Monday I spent most of my time over-analyzing and worrying about what to do with things at church, my marriage, my experiences with old friends from high school, and basically how lacking in my ability to have friendships. There was alot of fighting, anxious feelings, and stress this weekend. I spend alot of time thinking about people's problems , how to solve their problems, or how they aren't where I wish they would be spiritually. Throughout my day I do alot of judging and alot of critical thinking.
Yesterday I had a great friend who was willing to sit, talk, and work through all my random thoughts and ramblings and help me connect the dots. Many times I have to talk out my ridiculous thoughts to learn how rediculous they are. My friend said she never thinks about people's problems or carry the weight of thinking about them. Whoa really....that is all I spend my time doing when I think about people....
So last night as my husband and I are having a heart to heart....working through all my emotions...I am starting to see hope. Gabe does an awesome job of helping me see truth in a situation because he doesn't read anything into a situation and his emotions and over analyzing don't paralyze him from thinking rightly. As I reflect on the last few days I am really starting to see that any form of analyzing really steals any love that is in my heart for God and others. I loose sight of loving people really quickly because I am so driven to achieve or measure if I am successful- which is the key problem. All this analyzing is to further myself, to make sure that I am being successful or people see me that way. I am starting to realize how much I don't understand what it means to love God and Love others first. That is my priority!!!
I love/act like I am loving people based on other reasons. Only to make sure they are a follower of Jesus or that they are growing in their walk with God. I become frustrated with people when I don't see that because there is no love in my heart for them. I think basically because I don't understand God's love and loving others is....it leads me to over analyze....when I am really genuinely loving others I have no reason to analyze myself or others, because love is my motive. My motive shouldn't be about furthering myself, my passions, the way I look to people, or if I am successful.
Does that make sense? If so, what things are you doing in your life for yourself? Where are you missing loving others in your life? How is analyzing controlling the way you see/love people?