Prayer

Monday

So Today is not going to be a profound blog more filled with questions and rattlings that are happening inside of me. Right now I am really trying to bite off a bit of prayer. I feel like I have a very narraow view of prayer and struggle what it looks like to pray- the things that I think, but also to pray the things that the Holy Spirit brings to mind or that Father desires. I feel at a loss to pray at times, when I am just reciting off a list of needs or wants in peoples lives. Rountinely I struggle to pray for anything in my life because I feel as if it is selfish, but I also feel that if I classify my prayer life as a list of wants for people that is equally disheartening to Father because I am not listening to him, I am just rambling. Is how I think of prayer even biblical? Is praying through each person, saying God will you do this or that, is that prayer? When Jesus prayed over people in the bible it was very short and sweet. Which at times leads me to believe that I spend to much time talking and I have not learned to listen to Father. Then in the NT we read that Jesus would withdraw all night to go and pray. What was Jesus's time of prayer like with Father all night? I am pretty sure most of us would say I would go out of my mind if I was praying that long, which I think is because we don't actually understand prayer.



I don't understand God's heart for prayer. I know there is no formula or perfect answer for everyone. I am not satisfied with my small understanding of prayer and desire more, desire to hear and understand God's design for prayer more. Do you desire more in prayer? Is prayer an obligation or your greatest desire on your to-do list for the day? Is prayer even a one time event or should it be at the forefront of your mind all day? Is prayer a constant conversation with God all day? When we have spent so many days pushing God's voice away how do we hear again? Do I think of prayer as only how it benefits me?

Tuesday

Today I have really been thinking that prayer is not about me at all. Why am I making prayer about me and what I am praying? Spending time in prayer shouldn't be about what I am praying and if God is answering my prayers!! Isn't this all about him and his glory? I think that I have been making prayer about me and what I am doing instead of being found in Jesus. In the relationship that I get to have with him because he choose me. I am spending alot of time overanalyzing myself and becoming irritated that I can't understand. Father will you open my heart and eyes to see you and to see your eternal purpose. Turn my focus to you.