Sewing

If you always spend more time looking for the perfect fabric to sew with rather than actually sewing, this store will give you hope that there is awesome fabric out there. A couple of months ago I thought it would be cool to open a fabric store, I spend time looking for fabric for our headboard but could never find quite what I wanted. I also couldn't even find a few fabric stores that gave me hope. I found this one though it is called Whip Stitch Fabrics. Here is a picture of there shop and a link below about a women's blog that went and visited. She sells some of her fabric on Etsy.


http://www.dana-made-it.com/2010/06/weekend-at-whipstitch-lounge.html


I at times dream of having a store like that where I can spend time meeting and hanging out with women all day, learning, and challenging myself in sewing. This dream is not for the near future, but I think it is giving me inspiration to keep sewing and trying new things, and making my own patterns from clothes I already love. Just a little insight into what my mind thinks about all day.

Discipline

Starting my blog is the hardest thing, I never know how to start it without using the same phrase or opening sentence.....so Listen up, I guess. Today I am excited because Summer Conference is next week. This conference takes place every summer and is a way for our network of churches, 6 of them total to come together for 3 days. It is an amazing time to worship, to get prayer, and to be in God's presence. We get to leave next Tuesday and I get the whole week off of work :)!

This week though I have been wondering if there would be anything worth blogging about and I think there is finally something worthy of typing and proof reading. Every Wednesday night we have Lifegroup. Lifegroup is our opportunity to build community, grow as a disciple of Jesus, and pray for each other. The topic of lasts night discussion was Father God's Discipline. I myself have not done much of any studying on this topic, even thought I know I do not understand what God's discipline looks like. My main impression is that discipline is God's anger/wrath on our life because we are disobeying. So in our preparation for Lifegroup I learned a great deal about God's discipline that has begun to clear up alot of misunderstanding in me.

I still do not know how exactly to explain or give specific examples but the path that I have begun on is that God does not discipline us out of anger. A basic conclusion that we came to last night is that trials and events in our life that cause growth and a growing in righteousness can be seen as God's discipline. In times of trials and persecution there is still needed discernment on if it is from God or if it is a ploy by the enemy. The only way I can logically understand God's discipline is by looking at the purpose of it. The scripture we were reading out of was Hebrews 12:4-13. Gabe and I had a helpful commentary to explain what some of the verses meant. The purposes of Discipline that I took from this chapter were that discipline is to produce righteousness/growth in our relationship with God, it also points us back to Jesus when we have lost sight of him, and it is something that will provide an opportunity of encouragement of others going through the same struggles in their life and offer encouragement to them.

I think the purpose of Discipline helps to clear up, that God does not discipline us out of anger like parents do at times. The first purpose is to produce rightouesness. Righteousness is huge because I have not been a joyful person in suffering for the majority of my life. I tend to get angry at God and blame him for hardship instead of asking, What do you want to teach me? After about a week of soaking in my pride and being angry I start to see God opening my eyes and teaching me. I have seen great fruit in trials especially all last year as I struggled through how deep the pride in me runs and uprooting that. I have also expereinced it in God asking me to give up running to learn to see a right perspective of myself through his eyes. I am so thankful God's discipline is to produce rightoeusness not punishment.

Discipline/Trials have also shown in my life to direct my eyes to Jesus becuase I have forgotten. Even if I think many times that I have my eyes focused on God other things creep in. Examples for me are my job, meeting with people, and sleep. God tends to know exactly when to remind us of our priorities. So for me God reminds me that he comes first, I place my husband as the next priority, then church, then job, and anything else after that. It is always humbling to be reminded that he is the God of my life.

The last purpose of Discipline is to be able to encourage others who will go through the same things we have. In high school and early college I struggled greatly with depression and an eating disorder and through that time I continually asked why am I the one that has to experience this? Today I don't struggle with why I was the one going through the suffering, because that suffering has been used to bring him glory. I have had many opportunities to talk, support, and pray for these women who are suffering. The greatest thing is that God has healed me of all of it. It is a lie that you always have to deal with an eating disorder or depression. The journey of finding healing is not easy and for me required me to relearn how to live according to Jesus.

How do you respond to God's discipline? Do you ask God to grow you in righteousness and then complain like a baby when he brings experiences into your life to do so? Are you fighting against God because of pride or willingly bending where he wants you to go, what he wants you to do, for his glory? I think we miss many times that God and his desires are the only things that matter. Is your perspective on Discipline right? How do your eyes need to be opened?

Our Kitchen located above

Our living room

Me sewing my curtains

Our headboard

Our bed not painted

Our kitchen pot rack, Gabe's handy work

My new throw pillow covers I sewed

Homemaker

Goodmorning....Ahhh the mid-week drowsiness is setting in, but I am excited that the sun is popping through after a few days of rain. So Gabe and I have been officially in our apartment for one week now and we are starting to adjust to the changes, the things that work and the things that are broken. :) I think I am starting to understand reality, no matter where you live something will always be broken or not work quite right and to make it work takes a little imagination.

One thing I have noticed in the week of being at our new apartment is my heart on doing housework and serving Gabe. All last year I struggled, despised, and drug my feet to do any form of housework. I despised cooking, cleaning, making our bed, doing the dishes, putting dinner away, and frankly did not care. In my heart I was hopeful that some day God would give me the desire to care for my home and serve Gabe and some day our children. I desire to provide a home that is relaxing and a place for Gabe to come home to without added stress. All last year I prayed that God would give me a desire to help, to do the dishes, and to cook. After work I would come home and be a blob sitting on the couch wanting to be lazy and just sleep and make Gabe do everything. First, I definitely did not have a servants heart towards serving Gabe and I cared more about my comfort and relaxation than being a team with Gabe. Things in our home are going to look differently in doing household tasks because I am not home all the time, I work full time and Gabe actually has less hours at work than I do. So right now our roles look differently than they will when I get to stay home with some little ones. Most days Gabe gets the joy of cooking and I mostly do dishes and the rest of the cleaning.

I have no excuse for not caring for my home that God has graciously given me. Just because I work full time that is not an excuse to come home and be a bum and force my husband to do everything. Since moving into our new apt- we have only been here for a week but already I feel like God has given me a greater heart to serve, to do the dishes, to do laundry, and to pick things up(be tidy). It is like God allowed a sudden change in moving to a new place for an inner heart change to happen inside of me. I currently am loving that I can be busy at home with a thankful and servant heart, not a grumbling one. Are you being busy at home, caring for your household? Even if you live by yourself or just have roomates you can be caring for your home with love. I used the excuse I will do it when I am married or when I have kids, but taking care of a home is not something that just happens overnight just because you walk down the isle. Learning how to care for your home is something that has to be learned, you must be taught! Do you care for your home? Do you care for it with a joyful or a grumbling spirit?

I am thankful that God has been answering my prayers because this is not something that I cared to cultivate prior to marriage. I knew taking care of my home was something I desired because of watching other women or reading about it in books, but I never thought it would be that hard. I think learning how to care for your home is something you have to learn/be taught just like we must learn how to love our husbands and children(Titus 2). Are you cultivating a servants heart that is busy at home not idle? Titus 2:3-5 are my favorite verses of who I want to become as a woman of God, if you have never read it check it out and memorize it, reflect on it. If you are struggling with taking care of your home keep praying don't give up, God will change your heart.

Check out this website/reading from another women: http://raisinghomemakers.com/?p=422

His Will

Hello everyone..... oh how I have missed blogging, but we have been busy moving into our new aptartment. As soon as we get internet there I will post some pictures of our new place and our finished bed that Gabe made, and the headboard I made. We have had a pretty busy two weeks with packing and traveling and then moving this last Saturday. I am thankful we are officially all moved in but at times the adjusting can be harder than the moving and that is the case for me right now. This whole week I have been thinking about what I want to blog about, you know since I can't blog anytime I wanted too. :)

Anyway In one of my earlier posts I said I was reading the book "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee. Well on Tuesday I spent some more time reading one of the chapters called Presenting Ourselves to God. I loved this chapter it talks about things that I have been praying that God would do in many of the women that I have relationship with through church and that he would continue doing in my life.

I will do my best to make my struggles and the things I am learning from the book coincide. As a follower of Jesus I think each day we have to choose to submit to his will daily and give up our desires for our life. Well for me, moving into this new apt. God is forcing me to move out of my will for a perfectly peaceful apt with no problems and no difficult people. I don't think I would be alive if that was the case. The apt we have moved into kind of fell into our lap and seemed to be perfect. The location is in a part of town that isn't exactly sought after but Gabe and I have in a round about way felt called to live in an area where "Normal" people do not want to live or would feel safe. This location is also near our church and apart of a neighborhood we deliver food to for people in need. Well moving in hasn't exactly been easy, many of our appliances are not working correctly or are flat out broken and God has placed some special neighbors in our lives that are much different than I have ever lived with.

Last night I wanted to quit, sometimes I just scream in my head and ask God to explain.I ask him to show me what he wants to teach me and ultimately realize that I am weak and I do not see what is best for God and his glory. I am only looking at what is comfortable for me. Am I and are you willing to do whatever God requires? Right now I am praying that God would humble me and put love in my heart for my neighbors and where he has placed me. So the book, The chapter I just read talks about submitting my life to God's will and that if I am going to say I am giving my life to the Lord I have to give all of it. I can't hold onto a part of it and expect God to use all of it, because I haven't given him my will. Some of the questions that Watchman Nee asks are "Are you willing to do God's will, what he chooses for you not what I choose for myself?" "Does all your desire in life center on his will?"

"God will not let anything of ourselves remain" watchman Nee, this quote has to be the best thing after going through a time of purging by God of things out of my life, but is seemingly torturious as you go through them. I can not continue to let my self-assertive will take over and destroy the glory that God deserves. "We cannot expect the Lord to live out his life in us if we do not give him our lives in which to live."by watchman nee. Okay so knife to the heart, am I standing in the way of God moving in my attitude about our new apt. Somedays I feel inadequate, but I am starting to think that is the best place for me to be inadequate and humble and there is not mistaking God's complete hand in his plan. I have no idea or can even comprehend God's greatness in teaching me things through the circumstances in my life but I am trying to pray that God would change my focus from being focused on what is going wrong, and how my plan isn't his plan, and thinking God's plan is faulty. God's plan is not Faulty!!!! Do you think his plan currently for your life is faulty?

This chapter in "The Normal Christian Life" has also really brought me to prayer for many of the women that I get to have a relationship with through church. This chapter has given me things to pray for these women about making decisions about choosing to stay here in Lafayette for the church, those wrestling with what it looks like to be stay at home mom's and God putting that desire in you, and for those of you who think God isn't using you or isn't going to use you. God does not think you or your life is mediocre, Nor should you be content with being mediocre. People should think you are crazy and radical because you love Jesus so much and your life looks so different than the worlds. Are you willing to give your life to his mission-for him to be glorfied!!!! Please don't try and hang onto your life because the future looks daunting. Fear only paralyzes us. GOD WILL CHANGE ALL OF OUR HEARTS TO BE FOCUSED ON HIM.

Boys-Men-Husbands

Today has been quite the roller coaster for me emotionally but I am thankful when a wave of the Holy Spirit overcomes me. This week Gabe and I are painting and preparing our new apt to move in on Saturday. So I am feeling slightly pinched the last few days and normally I would become filled with anger, but this time it feels different. So two posts or so ago I posted about how I am going to start praying that God would make me weak in him and that I will rejoice in weakness and the feeling of loosing it. Today I walked into work and could just feel the emotions and at first was frustrated and angry because I tend to loose sight of a purpose for working where I do at times.

At work I began praying-My worth is not found in having a job that I feel like I accomplish something, my worth is not found in having something to do or being busy, and my worth is not found in moping around wishing God would change my circumstances. At work I went to the bathroom and could feel the stockpile of tears waiting to pour over. At lunch sometimes I will go and read or pray and today people were gone for lunch so I went out to my car and started praying and thanking God.

I have been asking God to show me more of what it means to love others and what his love looks like and I think today I really realized that my husband is the perfect example of God's love. Our first year of marriage consisted of being angry and frustrated because I did not think Gabe was good enough or looked enough like Jesus, but God and Gabe have shown me grace in waiting for Abba to open my eyes. Today I can feel the glimpse and freedom of God opening my eyes to the amazing gift he has given me. I have recently recieved prayer about sharing with the women that God has given me how important it is to have and set high standards for the men they date/will marry. I was encouraged to share about Gabe and how Gabe is and why the women in our church should seek after men like Gabe. :)

My husband loves me so much, he loves me when I spit in his face(not literally), when I don't understand, when I don't know how to communicate. He loves me amidst my pride, selfishness, and blindness. Gabe loves me enough to challenge me in what God calls me to. He has taught me how important the mother of his children will be and his desire for his wife( ie me)to stay home and care for our children, he loves me enough to believe that God will and has healed me and released me from the lies of depression, he has taught me how to communicate and is slowly teaching me how to make it a priority to care for our home(I still struggle in this area daily).

Ladies the men you seek after should draw you closer to Jesus, they should have a strong convictions to the things of the word(purity, being a part of a church body, dialy time with God). I am so thankful for Gabe's strong conviction to purity before marriage and each day I see others struggling I am more thankful. Are the men you are seeking after Godly men? Are you seeking after God or a man??? Don't let the distractions and things of this world lie to you that you don't have a desire for things of the word. Don't let the world set standards for the man you seek after-have Godly/high standards and don't settle for someone just because you have cuaght there eye. Here is a blog by a man that has some amazing insight about what the men should look like that we seek after. (http://laneannmiller.blogspot.com/2010/05/scars.html) This man's wife has recently died from cancer.

I think my husband is the greatest teacher of love that God could have given me and I believe actually feel it in my heart and know that Gabe is hand picked for me. He sharpens me, he makes me look more like Jesus. Please don't set low standards because you haven't seen a godly man recently he will bring one/make one for you if that is his plan for your life. I also think some of you already have some godly men but you treat them like trash on the side of the road because you are to busy looking at yourself/ I know I was!! Please seek after God's heart for your purpose!!

A Journey to becoming a MOMMA

Happy Friday!!! I love weekends so much. So this post is going to be a combination of sharing with you my journey in how God changed my heart and desire to be a mother that desires to stay at home with her children. I will also be adding in there some things about my husband because A. today is his birthday- he is 25 :) B. our 1 year anniversary is on Sunday!! So we have two big days this weekend in our life.

I wanted to write this blog in joy of our marriage and where God has brought us but also to encourage women who are in the place that I was at one time in my life. I get really patient to share with other women how God has changed my heart about being a mom. I actually become really sad when I hear that a mother doesn't want to stay at home with their kids. FYI I know that all women are not neccessarily called by God to stay home solely but I think there are many that are not listening to that prompting because they are distracted by the world's expectations to have a career or they feel that staying at home isn't a worthy enough calling. So here is my story.

Gabe and I met through Campus Crusade for Christ and our first real interaction together took place discussing who we were and how we grew up over some smoothies. I remember being really nervous about sharing with Gabe that I grew up Mennonite-super conversative and very pacifist. Somehow we started dating amidst my different perspectives and his desires for how the wife that he desired. Our first conversation of what he wanted for his wife and the mother of his children took place in the engineering mall on the steps of I think Hovde. I remember Gabe asking me what my desire was to stay home with kids when I am a mom. My opinion at that time, I was not going to stay home with my kids. I did not have a heart for being a mother or having children. In high school I was so warped that I didn't want to have kids because I cared more about my body than God's kingdom and desire. So of course I asked Gabe what he wanted for his wife and he said, "I want my wife to saty home with my kids until they go to college!" "I want my wife to be at home after school when my kids come home from school." I have no idea what my face looked like when he said that, but I am pretty sure my response was "No way am I staying home, especially until high school."

For us this was the beginning of God using Gabe to bring me to him and make me into a women that seeks after the Lord and makes her family a priority. At this point in my life I had only been walking with God for a year or so, even though I was baptized earlier in my life. Sometimes I wonder what Gabe was thinking when he started dating me but God had a bigger plan. The beginning of life change really happened when I dated Gabe. He would ask me if I thought I could be healed from depression/stop taking anti-depressants. This was an earth shattering question for me because I never thought depression would go away I thought you just dealt with it, I thought this way about my eating disorder as well. God has brought freedom from both of these things. I also started learning about what a stay at home mom does via Gabe about my mother in law. Gabe would talk about how he loved having his mom around and knew he could have taken a different path in life if she wasn't home when they were. I begin to see how being a mom is not a bad job, it isn't a job that should be looked down upon as less than another job. I think in God's eyes being a mother is one of the greatest gift he gives us and can be one of the most glorifying things we can do for father. Raise our children to be disciples of Jesus.

At this time I began reading books by Elizabeth George and I started talking and hearing about my mother in law and what she loved about staying home. My heart began to change. I began to want to know more about God's design for a women and bearing children for his kingdom. So needless to say God has used my husband to mold me into a women-that hopefully will bring him honor. I know this doesn't describe in detail everything but I challenge any women who is reading this and is curretnly only focused on a career to spend some time in prayer asking God to shape your heart into his heart for motherhood.

So today on our journey I yearn to be a stay at home mom and disciple our children, guide them to Jesus instead of having a stranger at daycare raising my child. God's hands can be great in shaping your heart don't miss out on what he has for you out of stubborness. Believe me I am stubborn Gabe will gladly advicate that. Start asking questions of a women who does want to be a stay at home and understand her heart for it and what she feels like God desires.

I am thankful that after 3 1/2 years with Gabe I think I see a more right glance of Jesus and his plan. I am thankful for our first year of marriage and the plans god has for us in this next year. I am thankful that Gabe and I get to help shape each other's heart for Jesus over the next years together. Happy Birthday Gabe and Happy Anniversary!!