I have been learning a great deal about self-analyzing recently and I have felt completely blown away by not seeing this before but am thankful none the less that I am seeing now. At Summer Conference a wise lady told me you are wasting to much time analyzing yourself, others, and fabricating situations in your head that have not and probably will never happen. I was almost completely knocked over in being made aware by someone else how much I analyze. I have known that I do but have never known what to do with it or if it is getting in the way of Jesus doing his business. I also have had a chance to read another chapter in my book "The Normal Christian Life". I have missed reading it, it has been at least a month by now. When I picked it up the chapter happened to be on you know what, Analyzing and depending on myself/my knowledge to live.
I am going to attempt to explain this where it makes sense. Let's start with Psalm 139:23 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Here Watchman explains that here, the writer is saying Search me O God, not I search myself. Analyzing is wasted effort searching ourselves for our sin, blindness, and where we are wrong. This verse tells us to ask God to search us, Light can only come from Father God. God's light can only be shown where it is admitted. Analyzing is effort and an attempt to explain according to our old selves before we have become a living disciple of Jesus. So those of us....ie me that are followers of Jesus and choose to continue to analyze are attempting to use my understanding and my worldly efforts to shine light in the spiritual realm. My attempts are mere human attempts which will only bring glory to man/or myself. Self Analyzing can lead us to think that we are right/healthy or that we don't need Jesus in an area, hah I laugh at myself daily for thinking those exact thoughts. Nee points out that this is pride....it is pride when we think we are right and do not need God's light/hand to shine or touch an area. Or I spend my time analyzing a situation to death(depending on myself and my own understanding instead of turning to God).
This rocks my world, my entire 24 years of living so far. I have spent most of my life as much as I can remember analyzing and understanding according to my minds ability. Which is why I really hated school. I have been thinking all wrong.... I don't even know what the next thing to do is or how to begin ridding my life of this except to ask more of God's light to come and be present. "No sight ever came by feeling or analyzing. Sight only comes by the Light of God coming in; and when it has come there is no longer a need to ask if something is right or wrong because we already know." Watchman Nee.
I have been spending an insane amount of time depending on myself and my own understanding, God is the only light, his word. I have no idea what to ask you except are you self-analyzing? I have been. I think I need to start asking God to light my path, to shed light into my mind, thoughts, and process of thinking. If you would like an entire copy of the chapter in my book I can copy it for you.
I have really found that by analyzing I make assumptions about people and how they view me. I put emotions on people towards me that they never displayed, and I walk around depending on how I felt in a situation towards a person and then evaluating if the situation/interaction was good or not. It is like I have had my mind locked in a dark black box for awhile with a very skewed understanding of God, this world, and the people in it, and now the lid is being lifted.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Two Weeks
It has been a long time friends. Life the last couple of weeks has seemed like we have been on a ship going back and forth. Last week we had an opportunity to attend the Summer Conference for our network of church's which I will talk more about in a bit. As you all know we recently moved into a new apartment in May but as of 3 weeks ago our chimney was leaking and a week ago we got a storm that gave us 3 inches overnight and our roof was leaking in 6 places :) Now who wouldn't be happy about that.
It was a ruff morning when we awoke to that. Needless to say after this last week of being gone and seeing how much the wall has been damaged. The wall would need to be replaced and mold has started growing in some places, we have decided we can not stay at this apt or that it would be healthy for us. I really do not want to imagine what the attic looks like. We also have been struggling with what to do with sharing a vent system with our downstairs neighbors. She smokes inside alot and we can smell it upstairs. After we talked with our landlord about this apartment not working out she informed us that the neighbor downstairs would be moving out July 1. We don't have a place 100% but we think we do. We really like our landlord just this particular apt has not worked out, so she has told us she has a single standing 2 bedroom home that she is remodeling. We have seen it and like what the potential could be but we are holding off on signing the lease until we see a more finished product. This house has a yard!!!! It has a two car garage(needs a new roof) but Gabe has been daydreaming about a possible place to have his tools. It has a bathtub- for the possibility of a baby sometime next year(I am not pregnant)!
Side Note: Congratulations to Josh and Amy from our Lifegroup they are pregnant!!!! Our first friends here our age to get pregnant!!
All in all on paper this place sounds good but we are trying to be more cautious. You can be praying for us in this moving process again and hopefully this will be a place we will settle for a couple of years.
Last week we had a great chance to be able to spend 3 days in Carbondale, IL. Gabe and I had a chance to spend some time with a great couple from Vine Casey and Celia Raymer. They were great hosts and they were just like us, they had jut been married one year and they love Vine(there local church). It was a priviledge to get to know someone more in depth. I don't have any pictures , I didn't take any pictures, I always forget!!
The conference was a great time to worship, connect, and spend time in God's presence. One of the speaker's that stuck out to me was Jeff Miller the pastor of Clear View Church. He spent time in Luke 15. In his sermon he spent some more time focusing on the older brother and the response that he had to his younger brother leaving, taking all of his inheritance, and spending it all. It hit me like heavy bricks that in some situations I sit outside and pought because someone else is being recieved and cared for more than me. Like the younger brother recieved a party from his father when he returned. This is totally selfish but I have at times sat outside what was happening and pouted. I was not willing to engage and I would overanalyze what people thought of me. As a follower of Jesus we should be more and more excited each time someone new comes in, each time someone comes back to Jesus if they have walked away from God but have come back. Basically Jeff explained in language I could understand feelings I have felt and helped me to work through frustrations.
I also loved the conference because Steve Morgan one of the other pastor's puts it very clearly what this network of churchs' is about and what God is doing in them. This network of churches is about giving all of our time, energy, resources to do what he wants for his kingdom, not what we want for our lives. It is sold out to planting church's in University Cities that will continue to plant more churches. We are about making disciples. Our vision should always be looking forward to Father's house, to being home with Father. That is what we live for to be in Father's house some day. If we loose sight of this the world can distract us and pull us off course. A good sized church for this network is between 800-and 2,000 people. If a church gets to 2,000 people we will be planting churches like crazy so that more people can be reached. More and more we don't live this life for ourselves. It is so amazing to get to see other people have a growing relationship with God and changing their hearts to match his desire for their life. Sometimes I get frustrated becuase I want people to see and love Jesus so much that I try and take control. I trust that God will move in every heart that he wants, and wants to grow.
It was a ruff morning when we awoke to that. Needless to say after this last week of being gone and seeing how much the wall has been damaged. The wall would need to be replaced and mold has started growing in some places, we have decided we can not stay at this apt or that it would be healthy for us. I really do not want to imagine what the attic looks like. We also have been struggling with what to do with sharing a vent system with our downstairs neighbors. She smokes inside alot and we can smell it upstairs. After we talked with our landlord about this apartment not working out she informed us that the neighbor downstairs would be moving out July 1. We don't have a place 100% but we think we do. We really like our landlord just this particular apt has not worked out, so she has told us she has a single standing 2 bedroom home that she is remodeling. We have seen it and like what the potential could be but we are holding off on signing the lease until we see a more finished product. This house has a yard!!!! It has a two car garage(needs a new roof) but Gabe has been daydreaming about a possible place to have his tools. It has a bathtub- for the possibility of a baby sometime next year(I am not pregnant)!
Side Note: Congratulations to Josh and Amy from our Lifegroup they are pregnant!!!! Our first friends here our age to get pregnant!!
All in all on paper this place sounds good but we are trying to be more cautious. You can be praying for us in this moving process again and hopefully this will be a place we will settle for a couple of years.
Last week we had a great chance to be able to spend 3 days in Carbondale, IL. Gabe and I had a chance to spend some time with a great couple from Vine Casey and Celia Raymer. They were great hosts and they were just like us, they had jut been married one year and they love Vine(there local church). It was a priviledge to get to know someone more in depth. I don't have any pictures , I didn't take any pictures, I always forget!!
The conference was a great time to worship, connect, and spend time in God's presence. One of the speaker's that stuck out to me was Jeff Miller the pastor of Clear View Church. He spent time in Luke 15. In his sermon he spent some more time focusing on the older brother and the response that he had to his younger brother leaving, taking all of his inheritance, and spending it all. It hit me like heavy bricks that in some situations I sit outside and pought because someone else is being recieved and cared for more than me. Like the younger brother recieved a party from his father when he returned. This is totally selfish but I have at times sat outside what was happening and pouted. I was not willing to engage and I would overanalyze what people thought of me. As a follower of Jesus we should be more and more excited each time someone new comes in, each time someone comes back to Jesus if they have walked away from God but have come back. Basically Jeff explained in language I could understand feelings I have felt and helped me to work through frustrations.
I also loved the conference because Steve Morgan one of the other pastor's puts it very clearly what this network of churchs' is about and what God is doing in them. This network of churches is about giving all of our time, energy, resources to do what he wants for his kingdom, not what we want for our lives. It is sold out to planting church's in University Cities that will continue to plant more churches. We are about making disciples. Our vision should always be looking forward to Father's house, to being home with Father. That is what we live for to be in Father's house some day. If we loose sight of this the world can distract us and pull us off course. A good sized church for this network is between 800-and 2,000 people. If a church gets to 2,000 people we will be planting churches like crazy so that more people can be reached. More and more we don't live this life for ourselves. It is so amazing to get to see other people have a growing relationship with God and changing their hearts to match his desire for their life. Sometimes I get frustrated becuase I want people to see and love Jesus so much that I try and take control. I trust that God will move in every heart that he wants, and wants to grow.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Sewing
If you always spend more time looking for the perfect fabric to sew with rather than actually sewing, this store will give you hope that there is awesome fabric out there. A couple of months ago I thought it would be cool to open a fabric store, I spend time looking for fabric for our headboard but could never find quite what I wanted. I also couldn't even find a few fabric stores that gave me hope. I found this one though it is called Whip Stitch Fabrics. Here is a picture of there shop and a link below about a women's blog that went and visited. She sells some of her fabric on Etsy.
http://www.dana-made-it.com/2010/06/weekend-at-whipstitch-lounge.html
I at times dream of having a store like that where I can spend time meeting and hanging out with women all day, learning, and challenging myself in sewing. This dream is not for the near future, but I think it is giving me inspiration to keep sewing and trying new things, and making my own patterns from clothes I already love. Just a little insight into what my mind thinks about all day.
http://www.dana-made-it.com/2010/06/weekend-at-whipstitch-lounge.htmlI at times dream of having a store like that where I can spend time meeting and hanging out with women all day, learning, and challenging myself in sewing. This dream is not for the near future, but I think it is giving me inspiration to keep sewing and trying new things, and making my own patterns from clothes I already love. Just a little insight into what my mind thinks about all day.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Discipline
Starting my blog is the hardest thing, I never know how to start it without using the same phrase or opening sentence.....so Listen up, I guess. Today I am excited because Summer Conference is next week. This conference takes place every summer and is a way for our network of churches, 6 of them total to come together for 3 days. It is an amazing time to worship, to get prayer, and to be in God's presence. We get to leave next Tuesday and I get the whole week off of work :)!
This week though I have been wondering if there would be anything worth blogging about and I think there is finally something worthy of typing and proof reading. Every Wednesday night we have Lifegroup. Lifegroup is our opportunity to build community, grow as a disciple of Jesus, and pray for each other. The topic of lasts night discussion was Father God's Discipline. I myself have not done much of any studying on this topic, even thought I know I do not understand what God's discipline looks like. My main impression is that discipline is God's anger/wrath on our life because we are disobeying. So in our preparation for Lifegroup I learned a great deal about God's discipline that has begun to clear up alot of misunderstanding in me.
I still do not know how exactly to explain or give specific examples but the path that I have begun on is that God does not discipline us out of anger. A basic conclusion that we came to last night is that trials and events in our life that cause growth and a growing in righteousness can be seen as God's discipline. In times of trials and persecution there is still needed discernment on if it is from God or if it is a ploy by the enemy. The only way I can logically understand God's discipline is by looking at the purpose of it. The scripture we were reading out of was Hebrews 12:4-13. Gabe and I had a helpful commentary to explain what some of the verses meant. The purposes of Discipline that I took from this chapter were that discipline is to produce righteousness/growth in our relationship with God, it also points us back to Jesus when we have lost sight of him, and it is something that will provide an opportunity of encouragement of others going through the same struggles in their life and offer encouragement to them.
I think the purpose of Discipline helps to clear up, that God does not discipline us out of anger like parents do at times. The first purpose is to produce rightouesness. Righteousness is huge because I have not been a joyful person in suffering for the majority of my life. I tend to get angry at God and blame him for hardship instead of asking, What do you want to teach me? After about a week of soaking in my pride and being angry I start to see God opening my eyes and teaching me. I have seen great fruit in trials especially all last year as I struggled through how deep the pride in me runs and uprooting that. I have also expereinced it in God asking me to give up running to learn to see a right perspective of myself through his eyes. I am so thankful God's discipline is to produce rightoeusness not punishment.
Discipline/Trials have also shown in my life to direct my eyes to Jesus becuase I have forgotten. Even if I think many times that I have my eyes focused on God other things creep in. Examples for me are my job, meeting with people, and sleep. God tends to know exactly when to remind us of our priorities. So for me God reminds me that he comes first, I place my husband as the next priority, then church, then job, and anything else after that. It is always humbling to be reminded that he is the God of my life.
The last purpose of Discipline is to be able to encourage others who will go through the same things we have. In high school and early college I struggled greatly with depression and an eating disorder and through that time I continually asked why am I the one that has to experience this? Today I don't struggle with why I was the one going through the suffering, because that suffering has been used to bring him glory. I have had many opportunities to talk, support, and pray for these women who are suffering. The greatest thing is that God has healed me of all of it. It is a lie that you always have to deal with an eating disorder or depression. The journey of finding healing is not easy and for me required me to relearn how to live according to Jesus.
How do you respond to God's discipline? Do you ask God to grow you in righteousness and then complain like a baby when he brings experiences into your life to do so? Are you fighting against God because of pride or willingly bending where he wants you to go, what he wants you to do, for his glory? I think we miss many times that God and his desires are the only things that matter. Is your perspective on Discipline right? How do your eyes need to be opened?
This week though I have been wondering if there would be anything worth blogging about and I think there is finally something worthy of typing and proof reading. Every Wednesday night we have Lifegroup. Lifegroup is our opportunity to build community, grow as a disciple of Jesus, and pray for each other. The topic of lasts night discussion was Father God's Discipline. I myself have not done much of any studying on this topic, even thought I know I do not understand what God's discipline looks like. My main impression is that discipline is God's anger/wrath on our life because we are disobeying. So in our preparation for Lifegroup I learned a great deal about God's discipline that has begun to clear up alot of misunderstanding in me.
I still do not know how exactly to explain or give specific examples but the path that I have begun on is that God does not discipline us out of anger. A basic conclusion that we came to last night is that trials and events in our life that cause growth and a growing in righteousness can be seen as God's discipline. In times of trials and persecution there is still needed discernment on if it is from God or if it is a ploy by the enemy. The only way I can logically understand God's discipline is by looking at the purpose of it. The scripture we were reading out of was Hebrews 12:4-13. Gabe and I had a helpful commentary to explain what some of the verses meant. The purposes of Discipline that I took from this chapter were that discipline is to produce righteousness/growth in our relationship with God, it also points us back to Jesus when we have lost sight of him, and it is something that will provide an opportunity of encouragement of others going through the same struggles in their life and offer encouragement to them.
I think the purpose of Discipline helps to clear up, that God does not discipline us out of anger like parents do at times. The first purpose is to produce rightouesness. Righteousness is huge because I have not been a joyful person in suffering for the majority of my life. I tend to get angry at God and blame him for hardship instead of asking, What do you want to teach me? After about a week of soaking in my pride and being angry I start to see God opening my eyes and teaching me. I have seen great fruit in trials especially all last year as I struggled through how deep the pride in me runs and uprooting that. I have also expereinced it in God asking me to give up running to learn to see a right perspective of myself through his eyes. I am so thankful God's discipline is to produce rightoeusness not punishment.
Discipline/Trials have also shown in my life to direct my eyes to Jesus becuase I have forgotten. Even if I think many times that I have my eyes focused on God other things creep in. Examples for me are my job, meeting with people, and sleep. God tends to know exactly when to remind us of our priorities. So for me God reminds me that he comes first, I place my husband as the next priority, then church, then job, and anything else after that. It is always humbling to be reminded that he is the God of my life.
The last purpose of Discipline is to be able to encourage others who will go through the same things we have. In high school and early college I struggled greatly with depression and an eating disorder and through that time I continually asked why am I the one that has to experience this? Today I don't struggle with why I was the one going through the suffering, because that suffering has been used to bring him glory. I have had many opportunities to talk, support, and pray for these women who are suffering. The greatest thing is that God has healed me of all of it. It is a lie that you always have to deal with an eating disorder or depression. The journey of finding healing is not easy and for me required me to relearn how to live according to Jesus.
How do you respond to God's discipline? Do you ask God to grow you in righteousness and then complain like a baby when he brings experiences into your life to do so? Are you fighting against God because of pride or willingly bending where he wants you to go, what he wants you to do, for his glory? I think we miss many times that God and his desires are the only things that matter. Is your perspective on Discipline right? How do your eyes need to be opened?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Homemaker
Goodmorning....Ahhh the mid-week drowsiness is setting in, but I am excited that the sun is popping through after a few days of rain. So Gabe and I have been officially in our apartment for one week now and we are starting to adjust to the changes, the things that work and the things that are broken. :) I think I am starting to understand reality, no matter where you live something will always be broken or not work quite right and to make it work takes a little imagination.
One thing I have noticed in the week of being at our new apartment is my heart on doing housework and serving Gabe. All last year I struggled, despised, and drug my feet to do any form of housework. I despised cooking, cleaning, making our bed, doing the dishes, putting dinner away, and frankly did not care. In my heart I was hopeful that some day God would give me the desire to care for my home and serve Gabe and some day our children. I desire to provide a home that is relaxing and a place for Gabe to come home to without added stress. All last year I prayed that God would give me a desire to help, to do the dishes, and to cook. After work I would come home and be a blob sitting on the couch wanting to be lazy and just sleep and make Gabe do everything. First, I definitely did not have a servants heart towards serving Gabe and I cared more about my comfort and relaxation than being a team with Gabe. Things in our home are going to look differently in doing household tasks because I am not home all the time, I work full time and Gabe actually has less hours at work than I do. So right now our roles look differently than they will when I get to stay home with some little ones. Most days Gabe gets the joy of cooking and I mostly do dishes and the rest of the cleaning.
I have no excuse for not caring for my home that God has graciously given me. Just because I work full time that is not an excuse to come home and be a bum and force my husband to do everything. Since moving into our new apt- we have only been here for a week but already I feel like God has given me a greater heart to serve, to do the dishes, to do laundry, and to pick things up(be tidy). It is like God allowed a sudden change in moving to a new place for an inner heart change to happen inside of me. I currently am loving that I can be busy at home with a thankful and servant heart, not a grumbling one. Are you being busy at home, caring for your household? Even if you live by yourself or just have roomates you can be caring for your home with love. I used the excuse I will do it when I am married or when I have kids, but taking care of a home is not something that just happens overnight just because you walk down the isle. Learning how to care for your home is something that has to be learned, you must be taught! Do you care for your home? Do you care for it with a joyful or a grumbling spirit?
I am thankful that God has been answering my prayers because this is not something that I cared to cultivate prior to marriage. I knew taking care of my home was something I desired because of watching other women or reading about it in books, but I never thought it would be that hard. I think learning how to care for your home is something you have to learn/be taught just like we must learn how to love our husbands and children(Titus 2). Are you cultivating a servants heart that is busy at home not idle? Titus 2:3-5 are my favorite verses of who I want to become as a woman of God, if you have never read it check it out and memorize it, reflect on it. If you are struggling with taking care of your home keep praying don't give up, God will change your heart.
Check out this website/reading from another women: http://raisinghomemakers.com/?p=422
One thing I have noticed in the week of being at our new apartment is my heart on doing housework and serving Gabe. All last year I struggled, despised, and drug my feet to do any form of housework. I despised cooking, cleaning, making our bed, doing the dishes, putting dinner away, and frankly did not care. In my heart I was hopeful that some day God would give me the desire to care for my home and serve Gabe and some day our children. I desire to provide a home that is relaxing and a place for Gabe to come home to without added stress. All last year I prayed that God would give me a desire to help, to do the dishes, and to cook. After work I would come home and be a blob sitting on the couch wanting to be lazy and just sleep and make Gabe do everything. First, I definitely did not have a servants heart towards serving Gabe and I cared more about my comfort and relaxation than being a team with Gabe. Things in our home are going to look differently in doing household tasks because I am not home all the time, I work full time and Gabe actually has less hours at work than I do. So right now our roles look differently than they will when I get to stay home with some little ones. Most days Gabe gets the joy of cooking and I mostly do dishes and the rest of the cleaning.
I have no excuse for not caring for my home that God has graciously given me. Just because I work full time that is not an excuse to come home and be a bum and force my husband to do everything. Since moving into our new apt- we have only been here for a week but already I feel like God has given me a greater heart to serve, to do the dishes, to do laundry, and to pick things up(be tidy). It is like God allowed a sudden change in moving to a new place for an inner heart change to happen inside of me. I currently am loving that I can be busy at home with a thankful and servant heart, not a grumbling one. Are you being busy at home, caring for your household? Even if you live by yourself or just have roomates you can be caring for your home with love. I used the excuse I will do it when I am married or when I have kids, but taking care of a home is not something that just happens overnight just because you walk down the isle. Learning how to care for your home is something that has to be learned, you must be taught! Do you care for your home? Do you care for it with a joyful or a grumbling spirit?
I am thankful that God has been answering my prayers because this is not something that I cared to cultivate prior to marriage. I knew taking care of my home was something I desired because of watching other women or reading about it in books, but I never thought it would be that hard. I think learning how to care for your home is something you have to learn/be taught just like we must learn how to love our husbands and children(Titus 2). Are you cultivating a servants heart that is busy at home not idle? Titus 2:3-5 are my favorite verses of who I want to become as a woman of God, if you have never read it check it out and memorize it, reflect on it. If you are struggling with taking care of your home keep praying don't give up, God will change your heart.
Check out this website/reading from another women: http://raisinghomemakers.com/?p=422
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
His Will
Hello everyone..... oh how I have missed blogging, but we have been busy moving into our new aptartment. As soon as we get internet there I will post some pictures of our new place and our finished bed that Gabe made, and the headboard I made. We have had a pretty busy two weeks with packing and traveling and then moving this last Saturday. I am thankful we are officially all moved in but at times the adjusting can be harder than the moving and that is the case for me right now. This whole week I have been thinking about what I want to blog about, you know since I can't blog anytime I wanted too. :)
Anyway In one of my earlier posts I said I was reading the book "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee. Well on Tuesday I spent some more time reading one of the chapters called Presenting Ourselves to God. I loved this chapter it talks about things that I have been praying that God would do in many of the women that I have relationship with through church and that he would continue doing in my life.
I will do my best to make my struggles and the things I am learning from the book coincide. As a follower of Jesus I think each day we have to choose to submit to his will daily and give up our desires for our life. Well for me, moving into this new apt. God is forcing me to move out of my will for a perfectly peaceful apt with no problems and no difficult people. I don't think I would be alive if that was the case. The apt we have moved into kind of fell into our lap and seemed to be perfect. The location is in a part of town that isn't exactly sought after but Gabe and I have in a round about way felt called to live in an area where "Normal" people do not want to live or would feel safe. This location is also near our church and apart of a neighborhood we deliver food to for people in need. Well moving in hasn't exactly been easy, many of our appliances are not working correctly or are flat out broken and God has placed some special neighbors in our lives that are much different than I have ever lived with.
Last night I wanted to quit, sometimes I just scream in my head and ask God to explain.I ask him to show me what he wants to teach me and ultimately realize that I am weak and I do not see what is best for God and his glory. I am only looking at what is comfortable for me. Am I and are you willing to do whatever God requires? Right now I am praying that God would humble me and put love in my heart for my neighbors and where he has placed me. So the book, The chapter I just read talks about submitting my life to God's will and that if I am going to say I am giving my life to the Lord I have to give all of it. I can't hold onto a part of it and expect God to use all of it, because I haven't given him my will. Some of the questions that Watchman Nee asks are "Are you willing to do God's will, what he chooses for you not what I choose for myself?" "Does all your desire in life center on his will?"
"God will not let anything of ourselves remain" watchman Nee, this quote has to be the best thing after going through a time of purging by God of things out of my life, but is seemingly torturious as you go through them. I can not continue to let my self-assertive will take over and destroy the glory that God deserves. "We cannot expect the Lord to live out his life in us if we do not give him our lives in which to live."by watchman nee. Okay so knife to the heart, am I standing in the way of God moving in my attitude about our new apt. Somedays I feel inadequate, but I am starting to think that is the best place for me to be inadequate and humble and there is not mistaking God's complete hand in his plan. I have no idea or can even comprehend God's greatness in teaching me things through the circumstances in my life but I am trying to pray that God would change my focus from being focused on what is going wrong, and how my plan isn't his plan, and thinking God's plan is faulty. God's plan is not Faulty!!!! Do you think his plan currently for your life is faulty?
This chapter in "The Normal Christian Life" has also really brought me to prayer for many of the women that I get to have a relationship with through church. This chapter has given me things to pray for these women about making decisions about choosing to stay here in Lafayette for the church, those wrestling with what it looks like to be stay at home mom's and God putting that desire in you, and for those of you who think God isn't using you or isn't going to use you. God does not think you or your life is mediocre, Nor should you be content with being mediocre. People should think you are crazy and radical because you love Jesus so much and your life looks so different than the worlds. Are you willing to give your life to his mission-for him to be glorfied!!!! Please don't try and hang onto your life because the future looks daunting. Fear only paralyzes us. GOD WILL CHANGE ALL OF OUR HEARTS TO BE FOCUSED ON HIM.
Anyway In one of my earlier posts I said I was reading the book "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee. Well on Tuesday I spent some more time reading one of the chapters called Presenting Ourselves to God. I loved this chapter it talks about things that I have been praying that God would do in many of the women that I have relationship with through church and that he would continue doing in my life.
I will do my best to make my struggles and the things I am learning from the book coincide. As a follower of Jesus I think each day we have to choose to submit to his will daily and give up our desires for our life. Well for me, moving into this new apt. God is forcing me to move out of my will for a perfectly peaceful apt with no problems and no difficult people. I don't think I would be alive if that was the case. The apt we have moved into kind of fell into our lap and seemed to be perfect. The location is in a part of town that isn't exactly sought after but Gabe and I have in a round about way felt called to live in an area where "Normal" people do not want to live or would feel safe. This location is also near our church and apart of a neighborhood we deliver food to for people in need. Well moving in hasn't exactly been easy, many of our appliances are not working correctly or are flat out broken and God has placed some special neighbors in our lives that are much different than I have ever lived with.
Last night I wanted to quit, sometimes I just scream in my head and ask God to explain.I ask him to show me what he wants to teach me and ultimately realize that I am weak and I do not see what is best for God and his glory. I am only looking at what is comfortable for me. Am I and are you willing to do whatever God requires? Right now I am praying that God would humble me and put love in my heart for my neighbors and where he has placed me. So the book, The chapter I just read talks about submitting my life to God's will and that if I am going to say I am giving my life to the Lord I have to give all of it. I can't hold onto a part of it and expect God to use all of it, because I haven't given him my will. Some of the questions that Watchman Nee asks are "Are you willing to do God's will, what he chooses for you not what I choose for myself?" "Does all your desire in life center on his will?"
"God will not let anything of ourselves remain" watchman Nee, this quote has to be the best thing after going through a time of purging by God of things out of my life, but is seemingly torturious as you go through them. I can not continue to let my self-assertive will take over and destroy the glory that God deserves. "We cannot expect the Lord to live out his life in us if we do not give him our lives in which to live."by watchman nee. Okay so knife to the heart, am I standing in the way of God moving in my attitude about our new apt. Somedays I feel inadequate, but I am starting to think that is the best place for me to be inadequate and humble and there is not mistaking God's complete hand in his plan. I have no idea or can even comprehend God's greatness in teaching me things through the circumstances in my life but I am trying to pray that God would change my focus from being focused on what is going wrong, and how my plan isn't his plan, and thinking God's plan is faulty. God's plan is not Faulty!!!! Do you think his plan currently for your life is faulty?
This chapter in "The Normal Christian Life" has also really brought me to prayer for many of the women that I get to have a relationship with through church. This chapter has given me things to pray for these women about making decisions about choosing to stay here in Lafayette for the church, those wrestling with what it looks like to be stay at home mom's and God putting that desire in you, and for those of you who think God isn't using you or isn't going to use you. God does not think you or your life is mediocre, Nor should you be content with being mediocre. People should think you are crazy and radical because you love Jesus so much and your life looks so different than the worlds. Are you willing to give your life to his mission-for him to be glorfied!!!! Please don't try and hang onto your life because the future looks daunting. Fear only paralyzes us. GOD WILL CHANGE ALL OF OUR HEARTS TO BE FOCUSED ON HIM.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
